Trading Places
by PrincessZeldaBelle
Summary: A lesson for Evy in knowing what you read before you read it.


Trading Places

Trading Places

PG~13

Disclaimer ~ I don't own 'em.

Evelyn's head pounded as though it were ready to burst.She groaned inwardly, figuring any sound that invaded her ears would more or less add to the pain.It was strangely quiet…what happened?She could feel the soft blanket under her, the sand beneath that.Someone must have brought her out of the temple and to the tent… But why? She had thought about opening her eyes to see exactly where she was, but just the slightest attempt at moving, the tiniest crack of light shot the pain attacking her head through the roof.What in blazes happened? She tried to think, tried to remember.She and Rick had been in the temple…there was a strange series of drawings on the wall…she tried to remember, but between the pounding in her head now and the lack of light in the temple then, she couldn't be sure she had seen what she thought.She found an inscription near the painting…she remembered reading the words aloud…the tunnel filled with a strange light…then…then nothing.Everything had gone black.

"Evelyn?" a strangely familiar feminine voice said.Who had arrived?She was the only woman on the dig with Rick and Jonathan.They had hired a few diggers to help find their way into the temple, but they were all men… where did the woman with the American accent come from?She tried to shake her head, to open her eyes to see who it was, but nothing would obey."Evy, honey, wake up," the voice pleaded.She finally managed to open her eyes.She was staring up at herself.She screamed, scrambling back away, spraying sand everywhere.Her hand went to her throat as she realized it wasn't her voice at all that had come out of her mouth.She looked down at herself; at her body and her hands…they were not hers at all.They were….She glanced back up to her own body sitting crouched beside where she had been laying, startling blue eyes that didn't belong to her staring back."Yeah, I know."The American accent, the eyes…the fact that she was in someone else's body…

"Rick?" she gasped, hearing the deep voice that didn't belong to her emanate from her throat.

"Yeah," she said—he said, standing."I don't know what the hell you read in there, but it did something all right."

"Well, I would say so," she replied, realizing that despite the deep voice, there was a hint of her British accent in the words.

"Do you have any idea what happened?"

"I haven't the foggiest," she replied, shaking her head.Rick's long bangs flopped in her eyes.She blew upward, trying to shift them out of the way.

"Okay, now that's weird."

"What?"

"Watching the word 'foggiest' come out of my mouth."He grinned at her and she knew now without a doubt that it was most definitely Rick in her body; while they may have been her soft features, that was certainly Rick's grin.

"Thank God you two are all right," Jonathan said as he ducked into the tent."You had me bloody worried, Evy."

"Jonathan, you have to help us," Evelyn said, attempting to stand on legs that were not her own.

"Me?Why, what happened?And why are you speaking with a British accent?"

"You know," Rick started, "that's a funny story."Jonathan's eyes widened as he turned toward his sister.A grin suddenly spread across his face, as he shook a finger at the two of them.

"Ahh, ho ho, very funny," Jonathan said with a laugh."You almost had me there."

"Jonathan, this is not a joke," Evelyn said, stamping her foot.It was a strange motion suddenly, as her foot was now nearly twice the size it had been and it sent another spray of sand in every direction.

"Jonathan, come here," Rick said, motioning with Evelyn's slender finger for Jonathan to bend down.Evelyn watched as her body whispered something into her brother's ear, causing Jonathan's eyes to widen.

"Rick!I thought I asked you not to tell her that!" Jonathan cried out, glaring at Rick's body, in turn, Evelyn.Flabbergasted, she turned to her own body.

"Tell me what?" she demanded."What did you promise not to tell me?"

"Look, pal, I didn't tell her," Rick said to Jonathan."I am Rick."He brought his hands hard to his chest, smashing the breasts that wouldn't normally have been there.He glanced down, wincing in pain.

"Careful with those!" Evelyn shot."I would like to have them back intact please."

"I did not just hear that," Jonathan said, shaking his head."You two have fun with your little game.Good night."

"Jonathan," Evelyn started, grabbing his shoulder.She literally didn't know her own strength as she nearly floored her brother."Sorry," she said, biting her lower lip as she helped him to his feet."Jonathan, please, look at me.This is no joke."Jonathan nearly jumped back when he realized the eyes staring at him were not the normal pale blue eyes that scrutinized him…these were darker eyes, eyes that belonged to someone else… He looked over to his sister as she walked him, (rather manly he realized) who was staring back at him with pale blue eyes…

"Oh, my God," he breathed.He looked back to his brother-in-law turned sister."Evy?" he whispered.At the affirming nod, he added, much louder, "What the bloody hell happened?"

"Damned if we know," Rick said.He plopped down onto the sand, rather unladylike as he supported the light weight of her body on her arms, leaning back, legs spread wide.

"Well, we're not likely to find out tonight, either," Evelyn said, releasing the grip on Jonathan's shoulders.She sank down to the sand beside Rick, gingerly trying to cross her legs, discovering it wasn't going to happen.She settled for stretching them out in front of her, realizing she couldn't comfortably keep her legs completely closed.

"Umm…right," Jonathan stammered, watching the display before him.He wasn't sure whether to be afraid or laugh hysterically."Well then, I, uh, guess I'll see you two in the morning then."He ducked out of the tent quickly, his riotous laughter filling the desert night sky.Evelyn exhaled heavily as Rick shook his head.He glanced at his wife, laughing at the way she fidgeted with his body.

"You know," Rick started, sliding up to his wife.He was glad to be sitting at the moment; he knew if he tried to walk like she did when she was feeling frisky, he would have massacred the way she rolled her hips.Especially in the sand, in heeled boots of all things.It was a wonder he hadn't gone down face first yet."We're really going to have to try to…you know…"He flicked thin eyebrows, staring up at his own face.

"Rick!" Evelyn cried out, pushing him away."How can you even…I mean….Ooooh!"Rick watched his own body shiver the way only Evelyn could.He put his head down in his hands, trying to stifle a laugh.She scrambled to her feet, still slightly cringing.

"What?" he managed to say with an enormous grin. "You can't tell me the thought hadn't crossed your dirty little mind."

"And just what makes you think it has, hmm?"

"You're telling me you never wondered what it felt like on my end?'Cause God knows I've wondered what it felt like on yours that you scream like that."He grinned up at her, lopsided, tilting his head as the long locks of hair tumbled down over his shoulder.

"I…well I…"She sighed, exasperated."Well of course I've wondered what it felt like for you…and I do not scream."

"Yeah, ya do."Rick shook his head, putting his relatively small hands up in surrender.

"But that…that would just be so…so…so bizarre to be staring at myself!"

Rick rose to his feet ever gracelessly."So you keep your eyes closed."He laughed at the thought; he could only imagine what his face looked like contorted. "Doesn't matter really. This isn't exactly the ideal place with all of these people running around."

"Funny," Evelyn said, turning back to face herself."That's never stopped you before."Rick dropped a shoulder, his 'Oh really?' look crossing Evelyn's features.Without a word, he sauntered up to her.Knowing his own center of gravity, he pushed squarely on her sternum, toppling her to the chair behind her.Rick climbed onto his own lap (a strange thought, but he pushed it aside) and kissed his wife fervently.Dazed, she barely knew what to do for a moment before returning the kiss.It was definitely strange, but he was right…all she had to do was close her eyes…

Evelyn awoke the next morning, quickly reminded of their strange predicament as she realized her own head was lying on what was now her chest.She sighed deeply, the movements waking Rick."Morning," he said with a twisted grin.She returned the smile as he kissed her gently before climbing to his feet to dress.

Out of habit, he grabbed his own clothing, before shaking his head, throwing the pants back on the chair.He gingerly picked up her brassiere, looking at it inquisitively."Is this thing really necessary?" he asked without looking back.

"Yes, as a matter of fact," she replied."Trying running without it sometime." Out of sheer curiosity, he ran in a little circle.

"All right, I get it, I get it."He surrendered to it, trying to think of it like a gun holster.The thought did him little good, for he never had to hook a gun holster behind his back.He fumbled with it for a good minute, Evelyn laughing the entire time."All right already.Would you just give me a hand here?"

"Oh, no," she said with a large grin."I have to do that on an every day basis.It's your turn to deal with it for once."Exasperated, he fumbled for another minute more before the hook finally caught, his arms shooting up triumphantly.Evelyn rolled her eyes with a grin, falling back on the blankets.In idle curiosity, she continued to watch her husband dress her body, though everything else was relatively simpler than the bra.He did have a bit of trouble with the buttons on her blouse.

"Why in God's name are these backward?"

"Tradition I suppose," she sighed.

"Morning all," Jonathan stated as he slid into their tent.Instinctively, Evelyn pulled the blanket up to her neck, glaring at her brother.

"Jonathan!" she cried out.His eyes drifted down to the sight of Rick holding the blanket up modestly.

"Oh, my God!You two didn't!!"

"Oh, like you can tell me you wouldn't have had you been in our shoes," Rick said, struggling with the last button, still growing accustomed to such slender fingers.Without a second thought, he grabbed his gun holsters, throwing them on.He now had a greater respect for Evelyn when it came to lugging their equipment around, as he realized how much smaller her body was than his and how much even something as normal to him as his guns weighed down on her body.*It's no wonder the elephant gun knocked her over,* he thought nonchalantly.

"Well, I, um…" Jonathan stammered, but couldn't actually deny that he wouldn't have."You know, Evy," he said, changing the subject as he turned to Rick's body."You really don't have as much to cover up at the moment."He grinned stupefied as she all but flung a handful of sand at him.

"Oh, Jonathan, get out!" she bellowed, sure that the entire camp had heard Rick's booming voice.She sighed, exasperated as she started to fling the blanket aside.Despite the fact that only Rick remained in the tent, her usual modesty overtook her, forcing herself to keep certain areas of his covered."Rick, could you hand me your pants…"She thought about what she said as he turned, trying not to laugh.

"You mean your pants?" he asked as he picked them up casually.

"Whatever," she said, clamoring unsteadily to her feet.She turned her back to him, cursing her own modesty.*For God's sake,* she thought.*Not like he's never seen THIS before.*She pulled on the pants, making sure everything was properly tucked away as comfortably as possible before zipping up.Now it was Rick's turn to watch as he finished pulling on the heeled boots that he was sure today he would take a fall in.

Evelyn turned as she shrugged on his shirt, catching his eyes watching her every move."What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said with a grin."I just find this highly amusing."

"I'm sure."She buttoned the shirt easily, but it was the rolling of the sleeves that she had the most difficulty with."Why on earth is this so difficult?" she asked herself, fumbling with fingers that were much too large.*No,* she corrected herself.*They most certainly aren't too large….you're just not used to using them.*

"Here," Rick said, walking over."Let me help you."

"I can do it myself," she said defensively.

"Evelyn, stop being so damn stubborn."She sighed, offering up her arm to him.Even though it was her voice, she could hear him saying it.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly."It's just…it's just so odd."

"Come on, it's not that bad," Rick replied, running a finger across her brow, pushing aside the hair falling in her eyes (and the thought that it was his own forehead.)"Could be worse…you could be stuck in Jonathan's body…then what would you do?"She smiled softly, with a small sniffle.

"I suppose," she said as he looped his arms habitually around her waist.

"I mean, it's not like I want to stay like this forever, but at least we still have each other."She smiled down at him, carefully placing her hands on his shoulders, remembering how she had crumpled Jonathan the night before.

"I certainly hope there's a way to reverse this.It's not like I don't enjoy being taller than you for once," she said with a light smile, "but I have spent a rather long time getting used to my own body, and by all means, I don't really care to spend another twenty-four years getting used to yours in this manner."Rick returned the smile, leaning up to kiss his wife.

"Are you two quite finished?" Jonathan said, slipping back into the tent.Evelyn pulled away, curling her bare toes sheepishly in the sand.Rick only sighed, turning to Jonathan.

"Right.So let's see if we can find that inscription again," Rick said, squeezing Evelyn's hand.She nodded with a small smile.

The three made their way into the dark temple, Rick leading in with a torch in one hand, his small hand hovering near his guns.He wasn't sure why; they hadn't found anything that suggesting another immortal flesh-eater to be nearby, but any place that had curses and spells enough to switch his body with his wife made him a little uneasy to say the least.

Evelyn followed close behind, realizing she had to duck periodically through the small doorways, her pounding head reminding her that she had already hit one."It was right around here, wasn't it?" Rick asked, holding the torch up near the walls.Evelyn's eyes scanned, but in the darkness of the tomb, it was hard to tell.

"I think so," she said uncertainly, glancing over the hieroglyphs.She read bits and pieces, pushing back the bangs that continually fell in her eyes."I can't see anything through your hair," she stated bluntly.She grabbed the scarf around her neck, tying back the unruly hair.

"You get used to it," Rick said continuing to search the walls.Jonathan looked to his sister, laughing at the way he dealt with her husband's hair.

"You know, Rick, ol' boy," he said, indicating to his own body, "that's a good look for you."

"Jonathan, shut up," Rick said, rolling his eyes with a sigh.He suddenly stopped, holding the torch high. "Umm…found it…" he said with a slight laugh.Evelyn walked behind, feeling the blush creep into her cheeks.Now she very clearly remembered the image that had caught their attention, starting this whole mess.

"How in the world could I have forgotten that?" she asked aloud, shaking her head.

"Good God, someone was a little twisted, I'd say," Jonathan added.The image that caught their attention was of two figures, male and female, in a series of three images.The top showed them both as they were and should be…the second showed them both nude, exchanging body parts, so to speak.The last showed them, as they were in the first image, though their places switched.Rick and Evelyn exchanged glances as Jonathan started snickering."You didn't figure that one out before you starting reading?" Jonathan said.

"Oh, shut up, Jonathan," Evelyn said, stepping toward the wall.

"Right, right…so I see no one's up for a little humor this morning."

"You, uh, may want to get out of here," Rick said to Jonathan, indicating back the way they came.

"What?I'm only trying to lighten the mood," he replied hurt.

"He means if it goes awry," Evelyn said.

"Right…good thinking," Jonathan said with a small grin. "Wouldn't want to end up in your body, now would I?"He started laughing as he turned.

"Just go already," Rick said."Come back for us in ten minutes!" he called after, realizing they would probably black out again if this worked.

Evelyn set to the task of reading the hieroglyphs, though to herself this time and not aloud."This must be it," she said after a moment."There's no other spell; just the one…"She glanced at Rick who merely nodded.With a deep breath, she turned back to the wall, and began reading aloud.The tunnel again filled with a strange light and then, within a moment, all was black.

The pain was the same as it was before…the pounding, the inability to move… Despite the pain, she forced her eyes open, bringing up her hands slowly.Her fingers were long and slender again, the wedding band on her left the tiny one with the small diamonds set into the gold.She forced herself to sit up, to find Rick and see if he was all right.To her left lay her husband, still unconscious.She smiled with a small sigh; it was indeed a funny sight the way she had tied his hair up.She glanced about, realizing they were still in the temple.She nearly jumped out of her skin when she head a groan come from behind her.She turned as Jonathan sat up slowly, shaking his head.

"Jonathan?What happened?" she asked, looking at her brother concerned.He looked at her in disbelief for a moment, before looking at his hands.

"Dammit Jonathan!" he cried out.

"Oh no," Evelyn said under her breath, trying not to laugh as the body of Rick shot straight up, mumbling. 

"What?What'd I do?"

"I told you to stay out of the temple!!"Evelyn shook her head…it was going to be another long night…


End file.
